Perspective is something Portia doesn’t seem to understand in her life right now. Whether it be regarding her image, her calorie intake, or her career. Portia is in her own world 24/7, and does not seem to understand or be able to comprehend what “normal” is. She is constantly concerned with how she looks, but more specifically how other people see her. In her world all that matters to her is landing the next job, and making sure that she looks absolutely “perfect” in every shot. She is always worried about getting fired or losing a contract because of her weight and appearance.
In Chapter 17, Portia is having drinks with her friend Ann. She considered cancelling, but decided to go through with the plans because she had not seen any of her friends recently. This is when for the first time, Portia was told that she was “too thin”. This is something Portia needed to hear, but her defence mechanisms kicked in and she was in denial. When her friend saw that she was not taking the comment seriously, her friend proceeded to tell her that she was serious and needed to think about what she was doing to herself. Portia found this funny and even purposely stuck out her collar bone and arm in order to continue to make her friend feel uncomfortable. To her this was nothing but a joke, and she felt as though her friend just simply did not understand her or her journey.
This is when it became evermore clear that Portia was deeply lost in her own world and lacked that perspective that would show her that how she was living and what she was trying to achieve was unrealistic, and wrong. I say this because until now, nobody had ever told her that she was too thin. On the contrary, people had accused her of gaining weight and being too big. Of course, this is what continued to encourage her weight loss journey. The professionals in her career and life continuously making her feel like if she wasn’t a certain size or certain measurement, she was not fit to have the position or job. This constant push is what caused the spiral from the start when she started modelling at age 12.
If Portia’s own friend cannot get through to her regarding her dangerous addiction to weight loss and her life spiralling out of control, then what will it take for her to finally realize that she is headed down a very dangerous path? What will it take for her to be able to gain back control of her life and be able to be happy?
